picturesque

I have a simple target this month. And that is.. TO TAKE EXTRA PICTURES! Watch out! :)

It was a whirlwind weekend. I don’t even know how to describe it. I know I am fine but was just lost for words about something I discovered. It was past lunch time that a very close friend (a member of my college dance troupe) messaged me about my ever famous ex boyfriend. At first she just asked if we still have a bit of communication after everything. Well, as most of my friends know, we’re still in speaking terms. We talk a lot before, I remember this very clear. However, after my October 2010 trip to Boracay to the start of 2012, there is a bit of a decrease to these chit chat moments. We see each other in between and made it very clear that we’re not crossing the line of being in a relationship again. Unspoken, I know we tried to make things work. We failed. Our serious talk after that Boracay trip was a clear indicator that it’s a closed book.

My closest office friends know that he sends messages in the middle of the night (and even at the wee hours of the morning) asking for things. Sometimes trying to build a communication and sometimes trying to send naughty flicks. I let this be. This is just him. I seriously dealt on this one thing at a time believing that this is just him - trying to protect the friendship that we regained after the trying-to-patch-up stage. I know this is something unnecessary (I-just-think) but I asked him if he’s with someone. He bluntly denied it and said NO. With this confirmation, I thought that the ongoing communication (not to mention the teasing and naughty messages) is just fine.

So here’s what happened and what I discovered.

Saturday evening - I was talking to a childhood friend over text and in the middle of the stories, he told me that he saw my ex walking somewhere Makati Medical Center with a girl. My initial reaction was “so?” I don’t see any reason why should I be affected with this “update” because it’s all over with us. Nothing ties us up and if she’s dating the girl, that’s something expected. I know that he expects dating from me too. It’s been years since we broke up and more than a year since I said no to him. I let go of this information and forgot about it. I thought it was nothing.

Sunday past lunch time – Faye, a college dance troupe close friend, sent me a message over iMessage. She said that her friend who, at this time, is already an employee of FactSet informed her that my precious ex has a girlfriend now. She thought I knew it since we’re still in speaking terms but I actually don’t have any idea. A girl’s name immediately came to my mind. The girl that I’ve been asking for the longest time weather he’s with or not. He denied it but since I have this strong gut feeling, I told Faye the name. She cannot confirm right away and texted her friend. The friend was not sending any reply. Probably, she’s sleeping. It’s about 2pm then. Siesta time. So I decided to stalk over Facebook. I saw one of my ex’s post regarding relationships. Does that have give any sense, I don’t know. His pictures are the old old ones. Very few were tagged including one Caramoan picture. Then, I remembered about seeing the Tumblr site of the maybe-girlfriend. I looked for it again. Gosh! I found it. And that’s not all. I found their pictures and statements about their ongoing relationship. At that point, I thought they’re just a new couple. So I kept browsing over the pages and figured out that my ex was referred there as “the boyfriend”. I kept on clicking next. Until such time that I realized that I’m browsing posts since 2011. This is the big surprise! I texted another friend who was working there and she confirmed that my ex has been consistently out on lunch with the maybe-girlfriend. I don’t want to jump into conclusions yet. Probably, the girl is just like me – one of the boys. I returned browsing. Then, I saw a post entitled “I couldn’t ask for more.” I clicked then I was directed to blogspot. It was the maybe-girlfriend’s post about their FIRST ANNIVERSARY. How great is this? I discovered on my own. So. The date of the post was around January 5, 2011. I back tracked and thought of what we’re doing from January 5, 2011 to April 26, 2012.

Here it goes. I cannot give exact dates but I know the following happened.

We are seeing each other, going out and even exchanging things. We’ve been texting and he’s been sending sweet nothings, naughty messages and so-so messages. We go to his apartment. Make a show and steal the spotlight from the streets of Makati. I used his bag for my Bohol trip. Argh! I don’t want to continue enumerating this. The bottom line is he acted as if he’s not in a relationship. Well, not even told me. Again, he denied.

So why am I so pissed about everything?

Just to be crystal clear about this. I am not pissed because he is now in a relationship with another girl. Again, all these times, I was prepared and been waiting for this to happen. It was expected. The reason why I am feeling a bit angry (more of pisssssed) is because he lied to me by denying and acting like he’s single. Why fool around young man? Should I even call you a man? Why deny the girl to me? Why call me in the morning and text me in the middle of these wee hours? Where’s your girl? Shit! I TRUSTED and BELIEVED his words. I even told him about dating and rejecting guys. That’s how transparent I was. Then, I’ll get this? He just made me a dumb ass. They’re on their 16^th month now and still no confirmation from him. No. Nothing. As a matter of fact, he still sent me a message last April 26 asking for something special. Wow! Amazing! Did I, in the first place expected that he would tell me once a new relationship blossoms, YES. Simply because he told his ex when we became a couple and I’ll be the first to tell him if I have someone new. God knows what his messages were. What his actions were. He knows.

So what do I do now?

NOTHING. I will continue being the Elka now. Not someone superficial. 2012 proved to me that I can do things without him and will still continue that. I was just pissed with the lies and denials. It was clearly a trust issue. He gained it before and lost it now. I don’t know who he is now. Do I feel better after this? A  big YES on all aspects. I would not elaborate more on this. I’ll keep it to myself and the closest people around me now. As what K said, “let it go.” And I am.

I wish them the best. I hope that this is his last girl. Be a man for her. Don’t leave her for some shitty reasons. I, speaking on behalf of all the girls, don’t want to go through the pain of a break-up again. I know that he could not afford seeing his girlfriend now crying over him in the future. Hold on. Keep on holding. FIGHT FOR IT even if the enemy is you. Learn from what we had. I’ll see him when I see him. As for me, I know that my MAN will come soon. In GOD’s perfect time.

And on this day someone confirmed that you’re together.

Why deny to me?

I’m deleting old messages from my old phone and came across this message from Kathy, a very close college friend.

“it’s better to meet the person who will truly love you later.. Than meeting someone now who promises to live you but sooner or later, leaves you forever.”

Ever touching message. I can still remember why she sent me this note. Until now, she stands by what she thinks is right for me for the long run. I’m glad a listened and believed her.